Breaking Twilight
by RuRuLaLa
Summary: Charlie Swan is having troubles that he doesn't feel he is equipped to handle. Swallowing his pride, he asks for help from an unlikely source. He regrets everything.


**Title**: Breaking Twilight

**Rating**: T

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter. That franchise belongs to J.K. Rowling. I do not own Twilight. That franchise belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I do own this card board box. It's where I live because I don't have a book series to my name. ::_sobs hysterical tears_::

**Warnings**: mentions of slash, violence, Harry's Potty mouth

**Summary**: Charlie Swan is having troubles that he doesn't feel he is equipped to handle. Swallowing his pride, he asks for help from an unlikely source. He regrets everything.

**Notes**: Takes place beginning to middle of Eclipse

**~oOo~**

Harry cleared his throat so that he could gather the attention of the bickering group of people in the cozy living room.

"Vampire," he pointed to Edward Cullen, "wolf shape shifter," at Jacob Black, "squib," at Charlie Swan, "also squib," at Isabella Swan.

The group of aforementioned people stared at him in shocked silence. Harry sat down on the couch behind him, clapped his hands, and with a satisfied air said, "Begin."

"HOW DID YOU KNOW –" Edward and Jacob said simultaneously, only to glare at each other for doing so.

"H-Harry! You can't just –! YOU BROKE THE STATUE OF SECRECY!"

Bella sputtered something that, from her expression, was meant to be a profound statement that would shake the oratory world… if it hadn't come out in a jumble of scoffs and stuttering.

Harry decided to address Charlie first since he was looking around frantically as if a bunch a wizards were going to bust through the windows CIA style and vaporize everyone. Plus he liked him the most. "Dearest cousin Charlie, there's no point adhering to the Statute of Secrecy when all parties involved are _in the Statute of Secrecy_."

Charlie visibly calmed down a little but still seemed high strung. "Is that – is that really how it works?"

"I unno. Seems legit."

"Harry!?"

"Relaaaaax, cousin," Harry drawled soothingly, crossing his legs like a regular debonair. It fit with the corporate casual look he was sporting lately. "You called me to help out with your daughter and your daughter's vampire, and that is what I'm doing."

"Charlie what's going on?" Bella said, apparently relearning her words but not how to address your parents. "Who is this and - and what's the Statute of Secrecy?"

"What's a Squib? Sounds nasty," Jacob chimed in.

"Bella honey, this is your cousin Harry Potter. And a squib is a…" he glanced at Harry before rubbing the back of his head uneasily. "Is a person who has wizard parents or relatives but has no magic themselves like…you and me, for instance."

Before the normal onslaught of questions and denials could begin, Harry spoke, "Yes wizards, as in people who cast spells and make potions and other logic defying activities. And please do keep in mind that we're in the room with one bloke who bedazzle's in the sunlight and drinks blood while the other turns into a giant wolf with a fetish for public nudity –"

"Hey! I can't help it that my clothes get destroyed every time I change!"

"Of course, dear," Harry said dismissively. The diminutive wizard pulled out his wand from his sleeve. "And just in case we still aren't able to suspend our disbelief…" He gave his trusty wand a wave, "_Bigity Bam!_" A blue beam of light shot out of his wand and engulfed the coffee table. The wooden structure twisted and morphed until a portly blond man with a receding hair line stood in its place.

The new man looked disoriented, but as soon as he spotted Harry a triumphant grin stole across his face. "HA HA! Got you this time alien!" He pulled out an old fashioned looking camera and attempted to snap some photos.

"Damnit! I keep doing that!" Harry flicked his wand and an exaggerated puff of smoke later, the man was gone (sans his pictures) and the table was back.

There was a long, stunned, pause.

"Was…was that L. Ron Hubbard?" Charlie asked faintly, looking as if he wasn't sure if he should pass out or accept the crime against nature that was his cousin.

"Yeah," Harry sighed. "I keep trying for Einstein but that old fart always manages to pull away, and then I get Coo Coo for Coa Coa Puffs instead and it's alllllllways with the aliens with him and the moment is just completely ruined. Really sorry about that everyone."

The teens (teen impersonator in Cullen's case) merely gaped at the table turned Scientologist turned table again, while Charlie put his head in hands and shook his head mournfully.

"Please, _please_ tell me you're not the reason he began Scientology?"

Harry stared at him blankly for a few moments. "Look, do you want me to lie and not believe me or tell the truth and be sad."

Charlie groaned in defeat. "I'd rather not hear about it."

"….I talk a lot when I'm drunk ok! Lot's of people do that! Why's everyone gotta judge me for it!?"

"Oh God, that's gotta be breaking some kind of law of space and time or…something." The police chief stared at Harry narrowly. "I feel like I should arrest you."

"Sorry, can't do that. Not you're jurisdiction. Unless you were a part of the Time Police. Wanna be a Time Cop?"

"No," Charlie said flatly.

"You sure? I think you'd make a great Time Cop. You've got that kind of Film Noir edge to you –"

"_No_ – can we get back on topic. _Please_?"

"Charlie, I – I still don't understand," Bella spoke up again. "You're some kind of wizard –"

"Squib, darling. They can see all the hidey holes we wizards cavort in, but can't cast any spells themselves. Which is probably for the best as most wizards are either too stupid to live or morally ambiguous lunatics such as myself."

Harry ended his explanation with a cute little smile. Bella shot him a fearful glance (rightfully so) while Edward scooted closer to her and…squinted at him? Ah yes, this was the little mind reader, wasn't it? He had a good mind to send him an image that would – '_No-no-no!_' Harry chided himself. '_The meeting hasn't even started yet. Let's see how this turns out first.__**Then**__, I'll scar him for life._'

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" The young brunet finally spat out what was on her mind.

Charlie clasped her hands and looked at his daughter imploringly. "Listen sweetie, it's not that I was trying to keep things from you. It's just – you were better off not knowing. The Wizarding World isn't very accepting of our kinda people. And if we tried to live in that world you could've gotten hurt and there'd be no way to defend yourself, not to mention all the other discrimination you'd have to put up with. It just wasn't worth it."

"What, so wizards just randomly attack squibs or something?" She said, looking even more wary in Harry's direction.

"No, no, no! It's not like that. They have laws against that kind of thing, of course, and not every wizard hates us. But there's a pretty large faction that doesn't want us involved in that world and use violent means to keep us out. I guess I saw no point telling you about a place where you couldn't participate in along with not being welcomed."

"So does – does this mean you've always known Edward was a vampire?"

Edward stiffened at this, though Harry didn't know why. The big reveal had already been made like, an hour ago. He thought vampires never forgot…wait no, was it monkeys? No, chimps are the ones that know sign language – you know what? Never mind brain, you suck today.

"Of course I've known!" Charlie snorted. "Even if I didn't know what to look for…he _glitters_ for God's sake! I'm surprised the whole dern town doesn't know at this point."

"Psh, you think being a disco ball is obvious? Try having a few dozen people shoot fireworks from what looks like a tree branch," Harry commiserated.

"Ah yeah. That's when Volduhrmart was killed right?"

Harry nodded. "It's Voldemort, by the way. But making him sound like a big chain grocery market? Amazing. I'm using that one next time."

Sadly Edward didn't share in their humor, and seemed to be having a mini panic attack. "That's impossible, we're never here when there's sunshine! Alice always predicts – "

"Lemme clue you in a little about the weather here son," Charlie interrupted. "The whole city is not completely overcast 24 hours a day except for 2 or 3 times, conveniently in a row, every month. And when there is a pocket of sunlight you and the rest of your family are generally not paying attention and the next thing you know it looks like your hands or face have been dipped in a First Grader's art project!"

"I think we're drifting off topic again, cuz-o."

"Alright, alright. There's no easier way to say this so I'm just gonna say it." Charlie took a deep, fortifying breath, looking his daughter in the eye with all the seriousness of a Police Chief. "Bella…I don't want you dating a vampire."

"No! You can't do that!"

"Mr. Swan…"

"Wahoo!"

Charlie shot Jacob his '_I'm a Father you better__**fear**__me_' look at him. Wisely, Jacob wiped the victorious expression off his face and sat contritely with his hands folded. "Now it's nothing against you personally Edward," Charlie soldiered on, "you're a good guy and all, but I'm not comfortable with my daughter being with someone who is so…"

"I – I understand Mr. Swan that I'm a monster," Edward said, amber eyes swimming with self-loathing, "but I swear to you that I would never hurt your daughter –"

"You're too damn old."

Whatever disgustingly romantic rant the vampire had prepared came to a screeching halt at Harry's words. "Excuse me?"

"The problem isn't that you could rip Cousin Bells into a thousand micro pieces if you so desire, or that you have some inner turmoil about whether or not you are merely a soulless blood sucking killing machine that may corrupt dear Bella's sweet innocent goodness."

"It…isn't?"

"No! You…_dumbass_." Harry burst out, rolling his eyes with maximum exasperation. "You're 117 years old for fuck's sake! She's what, 16? That is an entire _generation_ gap, _sir_."

Charlie was nodding along whole heartedly, but it appeared Bella had found some self-righteous steam as she shot to her feet.

"Age shouldn't make a difference!" Bella said, shooting to her feet. "If two people are mature and in love then that should be enough."

"Yes," Harry nodded along, "I agree whole heartedly."

"Then why –"

"But you two are the _farthest_ thing from mature I have ever seen, and your daddy agrees with me."

In response Bella did her impression of a fish out of water again, so Edward decided to speak for both of them. "What right do you have to judge us?"

"Other than the permission of your beau's father?" Harry shot back casually with a shrug. "I was called here as the head intervention guy, so let the judging begin!"

The young appearing wizard clapped his hands, then turned his body so that his back was to Edward and looked piercingly at Bella.

"Firstly, you only know a handful of things about this guy. He's hot, he's rich, he sucks blood, he sparkles, he reads minds, he plays the piano and he's adopted. What, other than those facts – which is pretty much public domain by the way – do you know about him? Hmm? Do you know his hopes? His dreams? What's he been up to for the past century? What were his previous relationships? His favorite color? No? Nothing? What about his re-birthday? Bella, you are ready to dick off and become a part of the undead for eternity, please tell me you know this walking disco ball's day of re-life?

Which brings me to my point about your lack of maturity. You are ready to dick off and become a part of the undead for eternity. Without ever planning to tell your family the truth. And abandoning them. For a boy-man that you know approximately 7 things about (that is not even a full 2 hands worth Bella my dear). That you have known for the equivalent of half a school year."

"That isn't true!" Bella protested at this, turning to her father who had his head back in hands and seemed to be counting down to stave off a blow up. "I would never do that! Charlie, you can't believe this guy!"

"I hate to break it to you sweetie, but your Vamp isn't the only one who can read minds in this room."

The three teens eyes widened in shocked fear. Again, Harry had to wonder at their ability to believe some aspects of impossibility and not others. It's not like they weren't currently sitting in a Grimm Fairy Tales version of a reality T.V. show.

Bella lifted her chin, the quick acceptance of Harry's power notching up her Common Sense factor up a tad in the wizard's eyes. At least until he caught on to her surface thoughts. "Fine. Maybe that isn't the best way to leave them, but you don't understand. What Edward and I have is…more than just knowing each other. It's – "

"The fact that your justifications for this begins and ends with: '_Love at first sight_', '_True love'_, _'We are meant to be'_, and – the worst of the lot – '_I just know it_', just continues to prove my point," Harry cut off flatly.

If everyone was too slow to see where her thought process was going on their own, then Bella's deep flush cinched it for them.

Feeling that his point had been made with his youngest cousin, Harry nodded, and turned to his next victim – err patient. No, never mind. Victim was right. "And as for you Mr. Vampire not Lestat. There are a multitude of problems with your psyche and being an immature brat is the least of those issues. But for the sake of comparison, we'll start with that anyway.

"Let me ask you this question that you should already know the answer to: What in the name of all hell do you have in common with a teenager? Your answer should be nothing. Here's why it should be nothing. You are an adult. You are educated, you have had more life experience, you are on a different level of emotional maturity (in theory at least), and we've already been through your mental age, but let's reiterate anyway: you're old as fuck.

The only thing you should have in common with this young teenage girl is the fact that you're Caucasian and you both look about 17 years old. And I'm sure we can all agree that is not the best foundation for a relationship.

And speaking of the opposite of good relationship building, your basis for attraction is the fact that you can't read her mind, you want to drink her blood, and that she's selfless. Although I feel that is heavily negated by the fact that she's abandoned her friends the second you and your siblings paid attention to her and is willing to abandon her family for you whether you ask or not. Which is not a very special trait, since I'm pretty sure every girl in that school is willing to do the same.

In conclusion: this is a train wreck waiting to happen."

Noticing Jacob nodding along smugly, Harry quickly whirled on him. "Don't think you're off the hook either teen wolf. Ignoring the fact that you're _fully aware_ of the horrible fuckery that will happen if you start a relationship outside of Imprinting, pushing yourself onto Bella and trying to guilt her into being your baby boo does not make you the better guy."

"I was never trying to guilt Bella!" Jacob snarled.

"Uh huh." Harry gave him a flat look, not even bothering to get out of his seat as Jacob's impressive 6ft muscular self loomed over him. "So my ears are not ringing with _'if you stay with a soulless blood sucking monster then you're no better than him'_? I guess it's that Let it Go song from Frozen. Damn Elphaba and her catchy tunes to hell."

"But he is a monster! I was only telling her the truth!"

"You're one to talk about the truth," Edward sneered scathingly. "How long did it take for you to tell Bella you're secret?" He stood up as well, and got all up in Jacob's face to show that he was angry or…manly? Something like that. Well, maybe not manly, since Bella joined the standing up confrontationally party too. They all stared at each other, and it might have been super intense if they didn't all look so damn vacuous.

"You're all a bunch of lying assholes," Harry put in, to which the teens stopped they're blank gazing and turned to glare at him. "But that's not the point. The point is: Bella is her own person, and if she wants to make stupid mistakes then they are hers to make. You have no right to interfere."

Jacob scowled and looked away, while Edward and Bella looked torn between grinning in triumph and being angry at the insults copiously peppered towards them.

"But it's just your luck that _I_ have plenty of right to interfere!" Harry said cheerfully.

"What are you talking about?" Bella turned panicked eyes to her dad. "Charlie, what is he talking about?"

"This can't go on, baby girl," he said, and he truly did look regretful, if only at the thought of hurting his daughter. He tried to take her hand in his, but she backed away as if scalded. "I'm sorry but you're going to have to – "

"Have a chaperone until you finish school."

"_What_?" Charlie said sharply.

"What!?" Bella, Jacob, and Edward screeched, eyes bulging.

"What!" Harry yelled. The others stared at him with varying degrees of disbelief. "Oh, sorry. I thought we were still exclaiming."

"_Harry_," Charlie hissed frantically. "That isn't what we discussed."

"Well…yeah," Harry said slowly as if he thought the police Chief was being dim for no reason. "But I thought those were the nonsensical ravings of a desperate father."

"Nooooo," Charlie said equally slowly with equal thoughts of Harry's lack of intelligence. "Those were the words of _exactly what I wanted for my daughter!_"

Harry blinked at him. Charlie's initial plan was to modify Bella's, the whole wolf pack, and the Cullen's memories and transfer Bella to the high school in Port Angeles, if not somewhere farther. "Ok. So, new safer and more legal plan; I am going to be Isabella's chaperone, and _you_," he jabbed a finger at Edward, "you diamond studded pedophile, are going to court her like the proper Witch from the Potter family that she is."

As expected, this sent everyone shouting denials and accusations again. Bella yelled/whined about the unfairness, Edward explained in demanding tones how Harry couldn't just jump into their lives and start giving orders, and Charlie was very firm about how his daughter would not be the magical version of Anna Nichole Smith – with Jacob in total agreement as he was always anti-Edward.

Harry let this go on for a few moments before calmly snapping his fingers. The sudden absence of noise from Harry's spell was startling and caused everyone to snap their jaws shut. Charlie looked disgruntled and unsurprised, as was expected of someone more familiar with magic. The group of teens, of course, were flipping their shit over their sudden inability to speak. The Vampire attempted to lunge at him but a levitation spell sent him hovering in middle of the room near the ceiling. Not to be outdone by his fellow rage-aholoic, Jacob leapt over the coffee table, clothes exploding as he transformed into a wolf. Quite impressive, considering the seamlessness of the change and the small space provided, and Harry may very well have come out the end of it with some crushed ribs if the shape shifter wasn't the size of an adorable puppy by the time he landed on Harry's chest. The russet colored little wolf blinked a few times in endearing befuddlement, before the little bastard went ape shit and ran in a circle on Harry's chest and lap, his tiny muzzle flapping nonexistent barks.

Harry reveled in the silence a bit longer. It would surely be the last he would hear of it until this situation was properly resolved.

"Now Charlie," he finally said to the cop, who's mustache was looking more and more pissed off by the minute. "I know you only want what's best for your daughter, but she is 18 years old and in the eyes of the law she is an adult. Free to make her own selfish idiotic choices to her hearts content. But, I understand that this isn't your run of the mill rebellious tween infatuation and that there are consequences for this relationship outside of ruining each other's lives. So here's what we're going to be doing for the next couple of years…oi! Leo and Kate! Are you two listening – oh for the love of God…"

In lieu of paying attention, Bella was holding her throat dramatically and gasping as if she forgot how to breathe, one arm outstretched towards her undead boo thang. Ever the valiant knight to Bella's eternal damsel in distress, Edward tried his best to propel himself forward by flailing his arms. While the spell didn't freeze his mobility, it did keep him stuck in one spot. This was an amusing sight to all parties involved. The party members consisting of Harry, Harry, and maybe Jacob. It was hard to tell if the puppy was bark-laughing or bark-barking though. Charlie and his mustache were entirely annoyed by the situation and life in general, but it could be because his near adult daughter was acting like a twat and he had a Vampire scrubbing his ceiling with angsty germs.

"Right, then. Bella, sweetie, you can breathe. I cut off your voice, not your airways. Please don't make me regret that. Eddo? Please cease your fladangleing. You're not going anywhere until you calm your sparkly tits. How about you cousin? Are we calmed down?"

Charlie huffed a silent sigh and nodded. Harry gave a lazy flick of his hand, more for effect then an actual need, and released the Silencing Charm.

Charlie cleared his throat deeply a few times. "That wasn't necessary."

"I entirely disagree. Eddy, Bells? Can we continue this discussion sans attempted maiming?"

Contrite nods granted Bella her voice back and Edward's abrupt release from float-dom. His crash to the couch was less than elegant or comfortable. At least Harry didn't allow him to fall to the floor…in to a pit of conjured adamantium spikes. He could be nice sometimes.

Harry turned to the last incapacitated youth. He held him up by the scruff and emerald eyes stared down dark brown. "What about you Scooby?"

Fluffy ears flat and tail between his legs, Jacob nodded minutely. Seeing that everything was kosher, Harry palmed the little puppy and tossed him back from whence he came, where he transformed into his regular heart-throbby self before his butt hit the chair.

The shape shifter's eyes were wide and he was clutching the arm rests of his chaise so hard that he was making gouge marks. "How. The. FUCK!?" he shrieked.

Harry was unperturbed by the boy's terror. He'd get over it. And if he didn't, Harry would just conjure him some ice cream. Kids still liked ice cream, right? Or maybe a Bounce House instead. That was a universal fear killer. "We'll get to that another time. But first we need to go over some ground rules.

"There will be no more of this stalking business. That means, _Edward_, no more house watching, no more general hang out watching, no more sleep watching –"

"Sleep _WHAT!?_"

"Please save all questions for the end of class. Now where was I? So, yes, just… no more '_watching'_ without the individual you are watching's knowledge."

"I wasn't stalking – ! Mr. Swan," Edward turned plaintive amber eyes to Charlie. "I haven't been stalking Bella. He's purposely misinterpreting my actions. I've only been keeping an eye on Bella to keep her safe. She in danger from –"

"From the newborn army that Victoria the nomadic vampire is creating because she wants revenge against the Cullen family and Bella and possibly because she's a sore loser."

Edward Cullen had to be the most easily befuddled vampire Harry had ever met. Tell the guy something he thought only him and his coven were privy too and all that composure and unflappableness Charlie had warned Harry about went straight out the window. The young vampire must live in a happy little world if he thought that there was _no one_ out there capable of gathering info on vampire-kind (not even getting started on the supernatural in general). It was kind of sad. Ridiculously short sided on their part, no doubt, but still sad.

Not sad enough to stop Harry from screwing with him though.

"An army!?" Charlie repeated. He fell limply back into his seat and stared into space as if it were the end of days. "I told the Magi Corps about the few running around here but – dear God, the whole town's doomed."

"Magi what now?"

"You know. They're the magic version of police, uh...I think you Brits call them Aurors?"

Harry shook his head ruefully. "Seriously? That's the best they could come up with? I? God our people are terrible at naming things. You know what we call chess in England? Wizards Chess. That is so lazy it's disgusting. They may as well call Quidditch '_Football on crack_'. It already sounds like a venereal disease as is. Ring Ring," the wizard held up his pinky and thumb up to his ear like a phone. "Say Dennis? Yeah I had a nice time last night too. We should hit up that Olive Garden again. Uhh, but I was just at the doctor today and they said I have _Quidditch _soooo you might want to get yourself tested." He shuddered at his own imaginings. "_Ewwwwww_, it fits in so smoothly.

"But," Harry quickly added at the growing looks of '_I don't even understand_' on everyone's face, "don't worry about that. I'll take care of the baby vamps, and I'll keep an eye on Bella…_without_ any perverted ulterior motives."

Harry's pointed look at Edward set the vampire to scowling fiercely at him, revealing fangless pearly white choppers. "Are you _actually_ saying that you're a match for them? What makes you think you could survive against one of them for more than five seconds, let alone an armies worth?"

"AH HA! HAHA! HA! HA! HA! Oh, Oh goodness," Harry sighed, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye. "So that brings me to the next rule," he changed pace abruptly. "All meetings between the two of you will be strictly chaperoned. Dates and any other Edward-Bella related activities will be scheduled by _moi_ and supervised by _moi_."

"You can't do that! That's – that's an invasion of privacy!" Bella howled.

"Well now! I have the perfectest solution to that dear cousin. If you want your privacy, all you have to do is not hang out with Edward…well, a modicum of privacy at least. You've kind of got an unholy army after you on account of your forbidden diddling, so…need to make sure no one snaps your neck every time I turn around."

The thought of imminent death seemed to shut her speak hole for the moment, so Harry continued, "And lastly, there will be absolutely no shagging until _AFTER_ Bella is transformed into a vampire. And that is if, and only _if_, Bella decides to be changed after the courtship is finished. And before she can commit to being an immortal undead cocktail of what the fuck,

she will need to fill out the proper Human to Vampire Transmutation forms and submit them to her local Board of Vampiric Supervisors. She will then receive an acceptance letter in the mail four to six weeks from the time we submitted them."

Bella turned to her supposed soul mate in confusion. The expression was matched by Edward. "There's…paperwork? But, Rosalie and Alice and Emmet and – and even Esme – ! They all –?"

"Oh what? You thought you could just cross species all willy nilly? There is a procedure bitches! You think you can go Dracula on us and say fuck the rules of inter magical-mundane relations? You aren't half the man Dracula is! And what a man he is. Hot _damn,_ the things that man could do to you upside down on a skyscraper. _Mm_!"

Harry noticed Charlie's glare, which said to get his mind out of the gutter and back to business. He fiddled a bit with his sleeves and cleared his throat. "I supposed you're wondering why Dr. Cullen didn't go through this procedure with any of your Coven, or mention anything like this at all? Well, the answer is simple. He's a muggle, so he didn't know. And you lot all happened to be muggles too, so you didn't know either. But now we're all just a big ol' funnel cake of knowledge! Rest assured, Charlie and I will be having words with the rest of your family, Edward, so that everyone is in the loop."

The small wizard's cheery smile was no less ominous than before.

"Well! It is getting quite late isn't it? Time for all little vampires to tuck in to their beds and stare at the ceiling for nine hours! I'll see you bright and early at school tomorrow Edward. Ta!"

"School!? What do you mean – ?" The vampire was cut off as he was abruptly sucked into a black hole, which immediately disappeared after his departure.

"Edward! Wha-what did you do to him?" Bella said, looking from Edward's empty seat to Harry frantically.

Harry shrugged. "Just sent him outside of his house. Nothing to fret about."

This indeed was something to fret about, if Harry were to go by the mulish look in Bella's eyes. "Can I be excused, Charlie?" she said sullenly.

"_May I_ be excused – the next words out of your mouth will determine if you _walk_ upstairs or not."

Bella snapped her mouth shut, swallowing whatever insults she had for Harry back down her gullet. "_May I be excused?_" she ground out.

Charlie sighed wearily, nodding. "Go on Bells. I'll see you in the morning."

Bella wasted no time stomping up the stairs. Charlie winced at the sound of a door slamming, the noise reverberating around the house like an anthem to teenage insolence.

"That. Went. Amazing."

Charlie snorted sardonically. "You think so?"

"Oh yes. If nothing else, she won't be jumping into this thing blindly."

Charlie groaned, and put his head back into his hands, folded over in a position of defeat. "I don't want her to jump into this _at all_."

Harry patted his cousin's back soothingly. He may not be able to relate to the tribulations that came with single parenting, or the constant battle of rage and worry a father felt when their precocious teen daughter threw all their overprotectiveness back into their face, but he still empathized. "Cheer up Charlie. It could always be worse. She could be teenage a crack whore, tricking on the streets with a kid. I mean, what would she do if her son was at home? Crying all alone on the bedroom floor, cause he's hungry. And only way to fee him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money. And the baby daddy's gone. Somewhere smokin' rock now, in and out of lock down, and she doesn't have a job now. That could be what she call's life Charlie, is what I'm trying to convey." **(1)**

Charlie stared at him for a full minute. "That. That is a _song_."

"Yes," Harry nodded sagely. "But at least that's better than your daughter boinking a vampire. And it says something about society when the lyrics like that easily apply to 1 in 10 people in this country."

"Um…"

Charlie and Harry turned to the far more reserved Jacob, who they'd nearly forgotten was still in the room. He had his hand raised, as if he were in class, and spoke when their attention was on him. "Is there a local Board of Werewolf Supervisors?"

Harry glanced at his cousin, then shrugged. "Come on, we'll talk about it over tea. You joining us Charlie?"

"Only if you put something stronger in it."

"Right. Tea for Jacob and I. Vodka for Charlie."

**~oOo~**

**1** City High – _What Would You Do_

**End Notes:**

Complete self-indulgent crap. I'm sorry, I really have nothing to say in my defense. But if you read this far, I hope you at least got a chuckle out of it. XD

So, what does the world say? Continue? Or never do this again so help me God?


End file.
